i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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