I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
