She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
