I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
