Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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