I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
