We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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