No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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