If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
