Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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