All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
