and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
