Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
