she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I stole a fireplace last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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