So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
