Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
