He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
wow bdsm is so cute
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