Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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