you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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