Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
