I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
