shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
