I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
