But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
