dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
