just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
