i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
