Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
