Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need a beard to bite.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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