I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
