Kiss
Puke
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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