omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
