then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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