Do you still have your period?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
