Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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