My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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