Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
