im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
