My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
