i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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