FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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