well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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