we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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