hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
