Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
