i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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