I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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