we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My bed smells like the plague
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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