The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize