At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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