how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i dont even know how to be here
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
