he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Bring me that man meat
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
