yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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