Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
