I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I could fuck to npr.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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