And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
