yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
