i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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