my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize