I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
