dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
