Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
vagina is talking i cant
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
