If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize