okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
