it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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