I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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