if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
