She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
