At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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